Creature Case File Template

# CASE FILE [39B] — Lapel, Stash - Senior Director, Communications Divisio

IDENTITY
Name: Lapel, Stash 
Rank: Senior Director (FBBBICCC)
Operation ID: HEAD MONCHO
Location: Corner Office at the Farm
Status: Persistent Case File


PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION
- A sharply dressed burrower with:

  • A suit that’s always one button too formal

  • A right lapel he believes is a “wo-wah” communication device

  • Glasses perched low, as if judging the room

  • A microphone he insists is “live,” even when it isn’

BEHAVIORAL NOTES

Performs sound checks for an imaginary audio team

  • Uses descriptive words that have nothing to do with the subject matter

  • Believes an unmarked van down the block houses “the audio guys”

  • Frequently says “Check, check — 1, 2 — Mic”

  • Ends meetings with “Copy that, boss. Mike out!”

TENDENCIES

  • Over-communication

  • Self-assigned technical roles

  • Persistent belief in nonexistent support staff

  • Creates confusion through unnecessary detail

  • Talks into his lapel even when holding a microphon

COMMUNICATION STYLE
-

  • Overly formal

  • Overly descriptive

  • Overly confident

  • Underly correct

HAZARDS
-May interrupt conversations with sudden “sound checks”

  • Causes team members to question whether they missed a briefing

  • Creates phantom technical emergen

  • Can derail meetings with “mic issues” that don’t exis

BUREAU REMARKS
-“If he taps his lapel twice, he thinks the audio team is listening.” — FBBBICCC Internal Memo

SUMMARY
- Lapel, Stash is a long-standing communications anomaly within the Bureau.
He is harmless, highly persistent, and deeply committed to imaginary technical operations.
Case File 39B remains open due to ongoing “mic checks.